Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken is a must have book! The second half of the book is the most useful; it contains the practical actions and solutions.
This book helped me look at some misconception I have. What it really means to appreciate myself. Appreciating myself, honoring who I am, loving myself…means taking care of me FIRST?
Mike Robbins has some interesting ideas that really help me reframe my old ways of thinking. Many of you reading this might already got this cognition…And I might look foolish for even writing this…but I’m going to do so anyway, because it’s just so valuable…and for those of you who haven’t dawn on this, I hope you can benefit from it.
Here’s a list of some simple examples of self-appreciation:
- Speaking about ourselves in a positive way
- Accepting compliments with gratitude and ease
- Forgiving ourselves and our mistakes
(From page 207, Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken)
This is honoring ourselves and genuinely showing ourselves that we love “me” not in a narcissistic way but appreciating our own greatness and all that we are. We are making peace with ourselves. Then we can really start to live our truths…And be authentic -just the way we are. Mike put it so eloquently, “The ultimate goal of being ourselves in an authentic way is to LOVE OURSELVES completely. If we truly love ourselves, most of what we worry about and even much of what we strive for in life becomes meaningless.” (p. 214)
It hit me, “What… I’ve been neglecting myself?”
You know that part that we all have…some people more than others. And I am just one of those. I feel like I have to take care of everyone’s needs before handling what’s on my list. I would do this unconsciously most of the time. Guess I picked it up from my mother, she was the same way. Taking care of everyone, doing everything for them, and end up exhausted and burned out.
Like most of you out there, I thought I was “taking care of myself”…but reality showed me a different story.
It was especially apparent to me when my sister recently visited me here in the Philippines. She, being my younger sibling, I felt obligated that I must take 100% responsibility and “take care” of her. So I got my place cleaned, planned everything, took the lead, and even make decisions for her. I practically babysitted her. The thing is she doesn’t even need it…she’s 26 and a young woman capable of making her own decisions and leading her own life. But it was my insane mental chatter that insisted, “I must watch and take care of her because she is my baby sister and this is a foreign country. She doesn’t know all the dangers so I must be her second pair of eyes.”
Yes, I’ve exhausted myself and started resenting her…and worse started thinking less of her…And even weaken my immune system. It was horrible. I even felt a separation in our relationship. My fault entirely. Luckily, we chatted and repair the unsaid feelings we kept hidden inside…
The ugly truth is…a majority of us women tend to insist doing almost everything ourselves, assuming other’s responsibilities, and taking care of them…(doing things that others could have done themselves), cleaning the house, cooking the food, doing other’s laundry, running the errands without ASKING for help…And do things we don’t even feel like just so we feel like we’ve helped and done our “women caring duties”. Then afterward, we might end up resenting those we helped…even beating ourselves up…Like we gave so much and nobody knows just how much we’ve did for them…And even hating ourselves that we didn’t HAVE time for ourselves. And of course…exhausted, tired, and burn out! It’s insane…
Yes, it’s that serious to me. Sometimes, I’m not even feeling that optimal and know I’m going to come down with something with my possibly weaken immune system, but I go out anyway just to hang out –when I should be resting in bed to get well…And I never knew, just how BAD I treated myself.
Mike really helped me point out this non-functioning part of me. Loving myself means truly taking care of me before trying to help others out. Taking care of my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs…And then from there, it’ll overflow to others.
I almost wanted to hit myself for not realizing it sooner. That self-love and appreciation means…To honor our body, mind, emotion, and spirit.
Thanks Mike!
Tags: appreciating self, be authentic, Be Yourself Everyone Else is Already Taken, book review, Gratitude, handling your needs, honor our body, honoring who i am, how to take care of yourself, living our truths, love ourselves, Mike Robbins, reframe old thinkings, Self Care, Self Love, taking care of myself, taking care of yourself